RELATIONSHIP FIRST AID

It is surprisingly difficult to be simple about what we feel.

Asked, "what do you feel?" most people answer, starting with the words, "I think...."

That's different.

Another tendency is to state feelings using past participles. "I feel disappointed. I feel rejected. I feel ...... -ed". There's a problem with this as feedback. The recipient will hear it as blame. And that may be because it actually is blame, though euphemised.

I have heard it proposed that there are only four core feelings, abbreviated as mad, sad, glad and scared. This may be a slightly simplistic view, but nonetheless a good starting point in using disclosure of feelings as a means of improving relationship.

Since most people do not act deliberately to hurt others, declarations of feelings help press the reset button in relationships where this has happened.

I teach many of my coaching victims a simple practice, to mend relationship issues, and it is often very helpful.

It is scripted thus: "(this) has happened between us and I feel (this). What I want to happen is (this)".

Over, then, to the other.

Simple, assertive, blame free.

Often surprisingly difficult to get to.