Tuesday 22 September 2009

HOW TO TELL A PROPER CYCLIST

This post is unusually barbed.
A proper cyclist:
  • holds a line
  • moves legs not upper body
  • knows how to hold a wheel
  • and lead another on his wheel (see first point above)
  • has a rudimentary awareness of wind direction (see foregoing points)
  • has a clean drivetrain, emitting little noise
  • is intolerant of mechanical squeaks, grinding and grating. Fixes them.
  • knows that gears are for changing
  • knows that junction etiquette is more than simply keeling over sideways
  • does not suddenly brake at the sight of a corner
  • appreciates that having been provided with a twenty speed bike there is little point in using only one gear
  • prefers riding on the road, as opposed to in the ruts beside it
  • does not make erratic changes of direction
  • enjoys the upright position rather than diving into the path of oncoming vehicles
  • refrains from unseemly shouts of "6!" and "7!" when passing young ladies
  • does not tinker with things they know nothing about (e.g. complex derraileurs)
  • is amusing at all times

Companions take note.

2 comments:

  1. - Always takes the moral high ground
    - Complains ad nauseum about how little respect cyclists get
    - Doesn't recognise the colour red when a light is shined through it

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