NEW YEARS HONOURS LIST

The Laytham Gazette today records the following as awarded the Order of the Berry Empire (OBE), dated today, 31.12.11. in recognition of acheivements across the year.


AL SUWAILEM, Faisal, for services to international leadership.
ASTILL, Lady Sonia, M.Sc. for services to the Samaritans Listening helpline.
BARNETT, Robert, 1st Baronet , for services to higher education.
BLAMEY, Dame Difna Maria Bernadette O Leary, for services to mental health and international development and cooperation.
BRADSHAW, Professor Simon, Master Mariner, for services to navigation.
BRATCHER, Paul B.Sc. DSLR, for services to photography and digital art.
BRUCE, Lady Amanda, for services to mental health.
BYRNE, Jo. For services to photography.
CASSIDY, Right Rev Matthew, DD, for Church services.
COMPTON, John Montepulciano, for services to online literary community.
DEAZLE, Adrian PhD., for services to international development.
DESFORGES, Gerard Stancomb Wills LLB, for services to the development of an intuitive literary recommendations system.
DESFORGES, Ursula St Honore, services to spiritual tourism.
DUNFORD, Daniel, B.Sc. for services to aviation.
ECCLES, The Marquess, for services to digital and film media production.
FENNELL, Paul Kendal Mintcake, BA, Services to art and flavoured vodka.
GILBERTSON, Prof David for outstanding scientific inquiry into the nature of gravity.
GOVIER, The Hon John, services to leadership.
GRAINGER, Keith Merckx for services to the Lycra industry.
HAMBLETON-GRAY the Hon. Catherine, for services to ethical business practice.
HIBBERT, Andrew, for services to leadership.
JONES, Dr Robert Stalin PhD, for services to the liqueurs industry.
MACINNES, Commander Ron McSpinnaker, Joint Founder, The Charm Points Foundation, for services to marine cost efficiency.
MOREL, Kevin Risotto, for services to hospitality.
MORRISON, Neil, M.A., Author, for services to literature.
PAGE, David, for services to polysomnography.
PAVEL, Michelle, for services to arctic exploration.
SHOEBRIDGE, Captain Charles, Algernon, Half Timbered, Poinsettia, M.A., LL.B, MC, DSO for services to the counter intelligence community and real ale.
WALES, Jimmy Donal for provision of encyclopaedic knowledge.
WARD, Professor Sir Christopher, services to the development of text messaging.
WELSTEAD, Justin, MA, for services to sports journalism.

HO BLOODY HO

Suicide statistics soar at Christmas. I can see why. We may have forgotten what we are supposed to be celebrating at Christmas, but advertisers have not. You, my friend, are meant to be celebrating a consumerist fantasy of happy families, grinning through extravagant consumption.
So life hasn't yielded you the frictionless nuclear idyll? The bombardment of messages about its desirability at this time of year makes you - what - a pariah?
I don't know of a family which does not have lurking not far beneath its surface deep fracture lines. Perhaps such families exist and I just haven't seen them. I do, however, know of many, many lonely people who live lonely lives within the frameworks of such supposedly whole and untarnished networks, just as I know of lonely people who live beyond them. And believe me, satisfying the consumerist dream by spending, or even having the means to spend, makes precious little difference to one's isolation within or without the Ladybird Book of Family Christmas.
This blog piece is dedicated to you - you who are honest enough to see "this is broken and I don't know how to fix it."
So what have we got? Advice from Mr high and bloody mighty life coach?
Alas, my life is as fractured as anyone else's.
So what can one do?
See the societal messages for what they are, perhaps. In some instances, commercial tools, nicely targeted at the emotions. In some instances, the genuine expressions of friends and family - wishes that life - your life perhaps - were not as fractured and broken as it is.
Breathe. Celebrate the life that is in you, through you and beyond you everywhere you look, whether it is December 25th, June 4th or any other date.
Have a glass or two of something, and toast through gritted teeth. This really is as good as it gets.
Be alert. Listen to the choir. Life is always singing, even when the song is a sad one.
And I, just like anyone else, will try and do the same.
May you, in your heart and mind, with all your heart and mind, have a truly happy Christmas.

CHRISTMAS IS A TIME FOR.......

This amazing piece, in watercolour, was painted by my good friend Paul - one of this country's preeminent botanical artists. You can see why he is.
Apart from the appeal of its prodigious skill, the image sums up in my warped little mind all the putrefaction as well as the abundance of Christmas and what the modern world has made of it, and is for me the very essence of what I think of the "festive season". At a time when Brussels is in crisis, its tower of power is an apter than ever visual pun.

A very merry Christmas to all our readers.

O VIRGO VIRGINUM

Ecce completa sunt omnia, quae dicta sunt per Angelum de Virgine Maria.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eecvWVJrGQ&list=AVGxdCwVVULXfbpXGlewI99viqVFpqiDPX

DRAGGED UP

A WEIGHTING OF BRITISH WRITERS

Shakespeare 10st 9 lbs
Dickens 11st 2 lbs
Waugh 15st 6 lbs
Lawrence, TE 9st 1 lbs
Lawrence, DH 12st 0 lbs
Thomas, Dylan 14st 12lbs
Wilde 13st 2lbs
Blake 11st 4lbs
Keats 7st 2lbs

MEDICINE

NARNIA

THE CAT'S AWAY

Big Madam is away in Zurich / Berne, teaching Swiss people how to do things.
Little madam and I are left to fend for ourselves. Fending brings with it normally disallowed pleasures:

• sleeping in alpine sleeping bags


• avoiding totally all acts of washing and bathing


• leaving teeth uncleaned


• Warburton's white bread


• everything fried


• farting without apology


• as much tv as you can handle


• pies


• chocolate for breakfast


• a complete ban on vitamins

But big madam returns tonight. And we have missed her. Our straight and narrow can only be deserted for so long before the pleasure of straying palls. Normal service will be resumed imminently.

IN NOMINE

I've got a new middle name to add to my already lengthy list.

Dunno.

RED HEAD

PROOF IF PROOF WERE NEEDED

Once, I went on a walk with my most beloved partner in crime. It was in the Welsh hills. We walked along, in companiionable silence.
Looking at the valley, I said, "Do you know what that reminds me of?"
"The 39 Steps?"
"How on EARTH did you guess that?"
I was gobsmacked. Our walk continued without further guessing games.
Later, in the same walk, towards evening, we looked across at a distant evening vista, hill upon misty hill.
"OK smartarse," I said, "you'll never guess what that reminds me of?"
"Narnia?"
"I don't bloody believe it!"