The Missus errs towards asceticism. My leaning would, of course, be toward hedonism. Left to her own devices the cupboard would be bare. Left to mine it would be groaning. And there'd be another cupboard for the grog tray.
You may tell, therefore, dear reader, how galling it is to report that I've returned from a short stay in Italy, having gone the entire time without eating a decent meal. In Italy! Mama Mia!
The reason is that her indoors cleverly persuaded me that going to stay in a hardcore yoga retreat centre would in fact be a decent family holiday for me, her and the youngest sprat. Why did I believe her? I'm more than old enough, and more than cynical enough to have doubted. But perhaps my softer heart prevailed.
Never again.
The food was unutterably shit. Worse, it was paraded as healthy, macrobiotic, organic, vegan and the rest and served to grateful female skeletons who'd just done an outrageous two hour workout. I don't mind vegetarian. I don't mind wholemeal. But I do mind food preparation that is utterly devoid of love. And I fail to see how this could be in any way considered to enhance one's spiritual application in the world.
In fact the whole accommodation left something to be desired. By which you may infer, dear reader, that it was just the right side of Dachau.
The sprat, under nourished and under stimulated, whined incessantly. Upon return home,by contrast, and with a decent sausage and egg breakfast inside her, she chirped and sang through the rest of the day, in her normal happy way.
There was a nice pool, though. That I will say.
Well, I only have myself to blame.
But there are two features of this experience which bear further comment. The first is a caveat emptor to those sold on holiday experiences of the green / eco / wholemeal variety. This is the second time I have been stung. The first was in India. We stayed at an "eco hotel". What this meant was that it was a hotel, just like any other. Except it had all the correct green rhetoric. And charged more than top rupee for it. Now, in Italy, the same thing. There are great margins to be made from starving your guests, and giving them spartan conditions that flatter their quests for inner meaning by confusing them with rejection of outer luxuries. Better still, these punters will view complaining as bad karma. So you can get away with near murder.
The second is a musing about motivation. My natural inclination is the carrot. Or, more probably, the whole carrot cake. But the sad truth is that for some people, with whatever deep self worth issues they have derived from over critical parents, the stick really is more effective. It's the same terrifying confusion by which the abused becomes abuser. And there are plenty of people who realize that this is a perfectly legitimate tool by which you can lever an individual away from their cash. Or get them to work harder for you. Or go to war for you. Or..... you name it.
I thought yoga was about freeing the spirit. But I've returned wondering.
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I will definitely apologise for the quality of the food, fact that given my heritage is deeply unacceptable as normally it is the one sure thing that we are always good at, no matter what.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, dear friend, you should know better than going to Italy without proper guidance or insider's advice... next time, ASK before ;-D
So you have now this very official dinner invitation, in order for me to turn around this mess!! ^_^P
That is a remarkably diplomatic response, the charm of which would be impossible to ignore.
ReplyDeleteSounds like your issue is more with the specifics of the accomm. rather than the country as a whole.
ReplyDeleteI am definitely on your end of the hedonism-asceticism spectrum. The clue as to your likely happiness should have been clear when you knew that muesli would be considered a ‘treat’ and that boiling water flavoured with a lemon (only a small slice, mind – don’t go mad) is the hoped for excitement of the afternoon, the mind phasing from lack of nutrients.
My advice is that if you want to spend 2 weeks having been flushed out from both ends and then only nibbling on a carrot, you might as well do it in the Maldives as you have no energy to do anything other than lie on the beach.
Actually my advice is don’t do it. The spirit needs feeding with talk, great food, relaxation and a free mind. As they say – if you want to get away from it all, don’t take it with you.
I find a good premier cru Burgundy, something like a Gevrey-Chambertin, gives more than enough flavour to provoke a sensible debate amongst like-minded souls.
Ps if your wife does decide to go off on a flight of fantasy again – and you, love-trapped, feel that you must accompany, at the very least set boundaries. Perhaps you could test her resolve by letting her watch you tuck into a great bowl of pasta whilst she nibbles frugally on celery? Now that would be real asceticism – not just not having nothing to eat, but actively not choosing to have (if you see what I mean).
I love Italy. Just hated this place that had absolutely nothing to do with the celebration of life that is the hallmark of all things Italian.
ReplyDeleteI liked your suggestion about enforcing the positive choice of abstinence, whilst I fill my face with some tasty fettucine. But you know the irony? One of the reasons her indoors is with me is the passion of my cooking!!!!