REINE CLAUDE

When I was a boy I could never have dreamed that I would have a gage. I now have two in my orchard. Both seem to love it there. If anything, more than other trees I have planted. One is still a junior - no crop yet. The other has just had its first fruit reach readiness. I was almost the first to spot it. But no. The wasps got there first. But today has seen me claim what is rightfully mine and not theirs, the glorious green globes for which any man would feel a surge of desire. I have claimed probably all up nearly five or six sweet kilos - a hell of a haul. Mainly I've turned them into Reine Claude vodka, assisted by large amounts of sugar and a lot of horrid cheap vodka. In twelve months it will be something special. And I deserve it. Those wasps didn't give in without a fight. I was probably stung twenty or so times. And one especially stubborn little bastard embedded himself in the crook of my arm, where he stung me five or six times. I must admit I had to go running to Missus for some HC45 after that episode, and I was shiveriing for an hour. But the crop came in. And now it is in big Kilner jars, maturing nicely. I can't tell you how pleased I am.

PENCIL

HB point: sharp lines.

RIOT ACT

Our Sovereign Lord the King chargeth and commandeth all persons, being assembled, immediately to disperse themselves, and peaceably to depart to their habitations, or to their lawful business, upon the pains contained in the act made in the first year of King George, for preventing tumults and riotous assemblies. God Save the King!

Imagine that!

Get your megaphones.

SNIPPET

Mate: I don't believe in biology.

Me: What about poo?

HEDGE

A COMPLIMENT

"You're Marmite, H. People either love you or hate you. But why? You challenge people to think. Some people will. They love you for it. Some people can't and some people won't. They hate you for it. That's why."

A dark, dark day indeed.

FTSE

= 5393 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

HAIKU

Thunder. Power is lost.
So much rain, there are floods.
Trust. Calm after storm.

LUNCH

PPS not any more/

LUNCH

PS - we're still waiting for that thunderstorm.

LUNCH

• I go to Mr Laveracks


• I buy a luvverly bit of filet.


• I dig up spuds


• I pick broad beans


• I pick nasturtiums and young lettuce, making a vibrant salad with both leaves and flowers


• I cook beans and spuds.


• I sear filet in butter.


• I season meat.


• I roast meat at about 11 mins a pound.


• I make mustard and mint dressing


• I make large tray of tomato salad


• I open Gran Riserva


• I get everything ready for stated time


• I apply contingency rule of 15 mins


• Guests turn up 35 mins late despite agreeing time for meal to appear


• One participant says I'm not eating that and raids fridge for alternative


• Meat is delicious for all who partake


• I have large row with Missus


• Afternoon activities are suspended subject to forthcoming peace talks

DILEMNA

I find X boring.
I find X false.
I find X trite.
I find X controlling, dressed up in insipid sweet.
I find in X's company time drags.
I feel drawn to avoid X.
But X seeks me out.
X invites me.

Do I:

Lie?
Be grateful?
Accept?
Call it as it is?
Be completely honest?


What is in X's best interest?
That I tell X of my reaction?
That I hide it, and thus conspire with X's own conspiracies?

Markets. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

HAIKU

Breathing out seems more
important than breathing in.
Get both right; you're there.

HAIKU

Dawn's red nails grab day,
The shepherd's warning ignored.
Can I seize it too?

HAIKU

An easel, grass
Close, paint – planning or regret?
Thoughts. Come back here now.