Friday 12 March 2010

HELP!

I distrust help. It seems flawed to me as a motive. I'm unsure of what it means to help another. And I believe it is not an abject malevolence which leads me to say that. So often in my life it has been unexpected, even accidental things which have offered me help. As often, it has been the power of simply being accompanied through difficult circumstances, the knowledge someone was with me, the hand on the proverbial shoulder, nothing more.
Being a consultant and coach, a temptation I find myself avoiding is the sort of gambit that begins with "I can help you." What that often means in practice is "I can help myself (to your money)."
Help is vexed. Who is getting it is often unclear to me.
I remember a friend once told me that I gave him one of his most valuable pieces of advice - helped him. His mother was dying, but refusing all help from him, her son. Understandably distressing. I listened and suggested he might just enjoy her, and their remaining time together, giving up the urge to help which was stressing the relationship. My friend must have decided to act on this. Her last days were blessed with the joy of their relationship. My friend remembers them as some of the happiest times he ever had with his mother.
Did I help?
I hope not!

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